With the worldwide economy in a slump, a lot of singles are forgoing dates due to lack of money. However, with a little creativity you can still have a date without spending a lot of money. These are 5 fun dates that can be accomplished in under $10 USD.
1. Picnic.
Sandwich materials (bread- $2, peanut butter/deli meat- $3, cheese/jelly- $3): $8
2 large water bottles: $2 (or free if you use tap water chilled overnight in the fridge)
First, take a look at the weather station to make sure you have the best chance of a pleasant day (but bring an umbrella big enough for 2 just in case). Pack the aforementioned picnic lunch, a comfy blanket, and head out to a local park. It's a good way to not only enjoy each other's company but traditionally quite romantic. The lunch doesn't need to be anything fancy either- the focus should be on time spent together and not the meal.
2. Luau-At-Home
Luau Party Decorations: $4 at a discount store
Ice: $1.50 (or free if you make your own)
Pineapple chunks: $1
Coconut milk: $1.50
Put up some luau decorations and bring the beach to your livingroom. While it may sound a bit silly, a little fake palm fronds and mini umbrellas can go a long way. ;) Mix up some homemade pina coladas (or another beverage if you so wish), put on some Hawaiian music (Pandora.com has free streaming music), and use your imagination. Your date will find the decorations to be charming and silly, and it's a good way to change things up from the ordinary.
3. Game night
Snacks: $3
Frozen pizzas: $6
Have your date bring over his/her favorite game and have yours ready as well. Some couples also will invite another couple over to play games. Lots of fun is had, and many times your guests will also bring over snacks, additional drinks, etc.
4. Sunset stroll
Camera: $3 (if you buy a disposable, free if you have your own)
Bottle of sparkling juice: $3
Whether it's a stroll downtown or just to a neighborhood park, watching the sunset is one of the more beautiful and romantic things you can do. After the sun has gone down and twilight sets in around you, surprise your date with a bottle of sparkling juice (or wine, but I'm giving the less expensive option) and a toast. With the summer months moving the sunset later and later, this is one that can be easily fit into most schedules and can provide couples with some good time to chat. The camera can be used for the two of you to take turns taking pictures of each other or various things seen.
5. Home movie night
Popcorn: $3
Drinks: $3
Finger foods: $3
Dust off your DVD collection or brush up your Netflix queue for movie night. Invite your date over for a double-feature of movies you both can enjoy. In between the movies, chat and enjoy the time spent together. This is a particularly good date for people who have just started dating (as the movies can trigger conversation) but at the same time don't put pressure on either party to keep the other entertained. If you've recently met someone on Yumbunny and things have gone well, this would be a great third or fourth date.
As you can see, the whole theme here is spending time with one another. While expensive dates can be nice, most people appreciate the thought behind the gesture. A well-prepared, home-cooked dinner will impress your date much more than a $100 dinner at an expensive restaurant.
2009-04-27
2009-04-25
Boyfriend or not?
CNN posted a great article by Judy McGuire on The Ambiguous Dater. Basically, the ambiguous dater is a person who doesn't put a label on a relationship. Dates may just be "hanging out" and whether or not this person is your boyfriend/girlfriend is anyone's guess.
A good friend of mine, "Carrie", was with an ambiguous dater for two years. Though for all intents and purposes they were a couple, the guy (we'll call him "Andy") refused to call her his girlfriend and repeatedly just said they were dating. As I was friends with Andy, I cornered him on chat one night about why he refused to give Carrie any sort of commitment. He said that he knew she wasn't the one and it wasn't going anywhere but he liked hanging out with her. He was also perfectly content with leaving her hanging indefinitely.
Like any good friend, I printed out the chat conversation and gave it to Carrie. She promptly broke up with Andy and is now happily married to a man who wasn't afraid to give her a commitment. As for Andy, he did almost the exact same thing to yet another friend of mine and continues to lead her on to this day (though she is actively looking elsewhere and he's her 'fallback').
So what is up with these ambiguous daters? They like being in a relationship without actually being in one. They thrive off the ambiguity and then get angry or suddenly change their minds (albeit temporarily) when challenged by another man without commitment issues.
A 2002 Rutgers University study gave a number of factors for why men may hold off on committing or avoid it altogether. Firstly, the study reports, men no longer feel the societal pressures to "settle down" that they did in the past. Society is much more tailored towards the single lifestyle. Even traditional institutions that encouraged marriage, such as churches and other places of worship, rarely put pressure on men to marry or commit.
Furthering this, society no longer looks down on co-habitation or child-rearing outside of wedlock. According to the Center for Disease Control, in the United States 38.5% of all births were born to unwed parents.
Of the other reasons, several were financial- including more fiscal responsibilities, wanting to avoid a divorce, wanting to be financially secure, etc. Another interesting reason was an overly idealistic fantasy of love or their "soulmate." This reason is why Andy can't seem to commit. He is waiting for the "woman of his dreams" and believes so firmly in happily ever after that he is inable to cope with real relationships that have ups and downs.
Regardless of why the person won't commit, the important thing is to remember that the only person you can change is yourself. If he won't commit to you, if she changes the subject every time you mention moving to the next step, there is nothing you can say or do that will change that person's feelings. The ambiguous dater is the only person who can change themselves and make the switch from a seasonal somebody to a soulmate.
2009-04-22
When to let it go
One of the hardest things for women to do, it seems, is to let go of someone who is bad for them. It may be someone who is abusive, someone who uses them, someone who isn't interested in them, or someone with whom any sort of lasting relationship is impossible.
Why is this so prevalent? It seems to boil down to a fear of being alone. Is this something that is hard-coded into the female psyche or the product of conditioning to believe that a person needs to be with someone in order to be "whole"?
Whatever the reason, it is extremely frustrating to watch as a loving and caring friend. You see your beloved friends repeatedly jeopardize any chance at happiness by clinging to losers of the past.
Why is this so prevalent? It seems to boil down to a fear of being alone. Is this something that is hard-coded into the female psyche or the product of conditioning to believe that a person needs to be with someone in order to be "whole"?
Whatever the reason, it is extremely frustrating to watch as a loving and caring friend. You see your beloved friends repeatedly jeopardize any chance at happiness by clinging to losers of the past.
2009-04-21
In the shadow of the old flame
It is the fear of, and the potential downfall of, every new couple: the old flame. If I had to list the top 5 reasons that couples never make it to (or far into) the relationship phase, it is due to someone with whom one of the people shares a personal history.
There are some things you can do to avoid being cast in the shadow of the flame, and avoid wasting time on someone who is pining after someone else:
1. Do your research. Find out from the other person why their other relationships didn't work and what contact they have with their exes... in a completely non-creepy way, of course. The best way to do this is casually ask what a handsome/pretty guy/gal isn't taken already and usually the person will open up a bit.
2. Don't be afraid to ask your place in line. Before even going out on a date with someone, you may want to ask how many other people they are dating- or if they are still in a relationship. Many people may not offer their relationship status but will come clean if asked directly.
3. Don't gloss over discrepancies. If something feels wrong, it probably is. If he says he's busy going to a movie and the next night takes you to the same movie, don't be surprised if he was actually somewhere he didn't want you to know about.
4. Let go before you get burned. This is probably the hardest. If you know your object of affection is fixated on someone in their past, realize there's nothing you can do to get them to look ahead. Instead, you need to change your direction. The only person you can change is yourself.
Sometimes an old romance will rekindle quickly and without warning, and in that case you just need to cut your losses and realize it's not you. It's hard to compete with someone who has a history with a person- they already know each other and there's already a level of comfort. Everyone comes with a past but it's when that past threatens the future that you need to consider the possibility that there isn't a future there at all.
There are some things you can do to avoid being cast in the shadow of the flame, and avoid wasting time on someone who is pining after someone else:
1. Do your research. Find out from the other person why their other relationships didn't work and what contact they have with their exes... in a completely non-creepy way, of course. The best way to do this is casually ask what a handsome/pretty guy/gal isn't taken already and usually the person will open up a bit.
2. Don't be afraid to ask your place in line. Before even going out on a date with someone, you may want to ask how many other people they are dating- or if they are still in a relationship. Many people may not offer their relationship status but will come clean if asked directly.
3. Don't gloss over discrepancies. If something feels wrong, it probably is. If he says he's busy going to a movie and the next night takes you to the same movie, don't be surprised if he was actually somewhere he didn't want you to know about.
4. Let go before you get burned. This is probably the hardest. If you know your object of affection is fixated on someone in their past, realize there's nothing you can do to get them to look ahead. Instead, you need to change your direction. The only person you can change is yourself.
Sometimes an old romance will rekindle quickly and without warning, and in that case you just need to cut your losses and realize it's not you. It's hard to compete with someone who has a history with a person- they already know each other and there's already a level of comfort. Everyone comes with a past but it's when that past threatens the future that you need to consider the possibility that there isn't a future there at all.
2009-04-17
Dating multiple people- the "do"s and "don't"s
A friend of mine we'll call Dave recently posted on his blog about his dating experiences. In the past, Dave dated 2 or 3 girls at once because he said he liked variety. However, he was always very ethical and honest about it.
There's nothing wrong with dating more than one person non-exclusively but there are some guidelines you should follow.
1. Be honest with all parties. From the very first date, let the person know that you're already dating more than one person. If you're not looking for a commitment, also make that known from the beginning so you don't waste their time and yours.
2. Limit your sexual partners and always use protection. Just because you're dating multiple people doesn't necessarily mean you should sleep with multiple people. Be smart. If you do have multiple partners, make sure you get yourself tested every 3 months and always use a condom.
3. Be clear about your dating status, and often. More than one person has been burned by not communicating clearly the status of the relationship to the other person. Some women will assume a guy is their boyfriend if they go out on multiple dates, and the guy still thinks it is casual! If you do just casually date someone for a while, make sure they know the status of the relationship so there aren't surprises for you both later.
4. Don't date people who are friends with each other. Unless they are very cool with it (which is rarely the case), the last thing you want is to be blamed for a friendship being destroyed.
5. Ask permission before you date a friend's ex. This may seem common sense but you need to ask your friend first and have an honest conversation about it. I personally know of several people who have ruined their friendships by dating an ex of a good friend, and it turns out the friend didn't feel comfortable with it.
Overall, you should use your best common sense and remember that- especially in relationships- honesty is really the best policy.
There's nothing wrong with dating more than one person non-exclusively but there are some guidelines you should follow.
1. Be honest with all parties. From the very first date, let the person know that you're already dating more than one person. If you're not looking for a commitment, also make that known from the beginning so you don't waste their time and yours.
2. Limit your sexual partners and always use protection. Just because you're dating multiple people doesn't necessarily mean you should sleep with multiple people. Be smart. If you do have multiple partners, make sure you get yourself tested every 3 months and always use a condom.
3. Be clear about your dating status, and often. More than one person has been burned by not communicating clearly the status of the relationship to the other person. Some women will assume a guy is their boyfriend if they go out on multiple dates, and the guy still thinks it is casual! If you do just casually date someone for a while, make sure they know the status of the relationship so there aren't surprises for you both later.
4. Don't date people who are friends with each other. Unless they are very cool with it (which is rarely the case), the last thing you want is to be blamed for a friendship being destroyed.
5. Ask permission before you date a friend's ex. This may seem common sense but you need to ask your friend first and have an honest conversation about it. I personally know of several people who have ruined their friendships by dating an ex of a good friend, and it turns out the friend didn't feel comfortable with it.
Overall, you should use your best common sense and remember that- especially in relationships- honesty is really the best policy.
2009-04-15
Who pays?
In the modern age, with more and more people sloughing off traditional roles in favor of independence, the question of "who pays" for what during dates is still a hotly debated topic.
Some people prefer that each person pays their own way- that it is on equal ground. Others say that the person who asked for the date should pay, others say the cost should be split, and still others say that it is a gentleman's job to pay for a lady.
Who is right?
Like the most questions where personal preference comes into play, the answer is uncertain and varies from person to person.
The best course of action is to actually talk about this before the date- and bring money to cover you and your date should the need arise. You never know when you may be stiffed and more than one date has been ruined by a financial misunderstanding.
Dating is all about finding out about the other person and this simple but essential financial conversation should be one of the first ones. Not only will you know more about where the other person is coming from and what he/she expects, but it opens the lines of communication should more serious financial conversations arise in the future.
2009-04-14
What photo to use?
My friend Gregory over at Midlife Bachelor added to a previously posted list offering some good tips for posting pictures on dating websites.
The suggestions are really good in general though the one about smiling with teeth is more of a personal preference. While some people may really want to see your teeth and a big, toothy smile, don't use one if it doesn't make you feel good about yourself. The idea is to convey a small slice of the real you. If smiling with teeth makes you uncomfortable and self-conscious, that will show through in the picture and make your smile look more like a forced grimace.
A comment on the Midlife Bachelor forums basically summed up all the advice: be yourself. Don't use fake or highly manipulated photos, don't use bad photos that don't convey yourself in an honest or positive light. Dating is hard enough, the last thing you need is starting out with a false impression.
The suggestions are really good in general though the one about smiling with teeth is more of a personal preference. While some people may really want to see your teeth and a big, toothy smile, don't use one if it doesn't make you feel good about yourself. The idea is to convey a small slice of the real you. If smiling with teeth makes you uncomfortable and self-conscious, that will show through in the picture and make your smile look more like a forced grimace.
A comment on the Midlife Bachelor forums basically summed up all the advice: be yourself. Don't use fake or highly manipulated photos, don't use bad photos that don't convey yourself in an honest or positive light. Dating is hard enough, the last thing you need is starting out with a false impression.
2009-04-08
Breaking up without burning bridges
MSN repeated a Glamour article on the worst ways women have been dumped. Some of them were mildly cowardly (like the guy breaking up with her at work) to downright mean (dumping the girl at the airport with no ride home).
Of my exes, I am friends with a vast majority of them. It absolutely IS possible to break up with someone and maintain a friendship afterwards. It isn't easy, especially at first, but it's worth it to keep the peace.
First, don't be nasty- be honest but polite. Be honest with the person as to why you're breaking it off with them. This will help you both in the long-run. However, you need to not be mean about it. If there's someone else, politely tell them why the two of you didn't work and keep the focus on why the relationship failed- including admitting if you have a wandering eye. Being deceptive makes you look bad and doesn't help the other person.
Secondly, give each other some space. After a break-up, both parties need time to reorganize themselves and heal. If the other person is constantly contacting you, be firm or polite that you need some time. The constant contact is like rubbing salt in the wound, or making the other person unable to get over you.
Finally, forgive and be respectful. This is harder than it sounds but it's something both parties need to do in order to build a friendship. Don't rub a new relationship in the other's face. Don't do things to hurt the other person. Forgive the past, move on with the future, and be considerate when dealing with your ex. Remember that you cared enough about this person to be in a relationship with them in the first place, and use that memory to help you maintain respect through the breakup.
Of my exes, I am friends with a vast majority of them. It absolutely IS possible to break up with someone and maintain a friendship afterwards. It isn't easy, especially at first, but it's worth it to keep the peace.
First, don't be nasty- be honest but polite. Be honest with the person as to why you're breaking it off with them. This will help you both in the long-run. However, you need to not be mean about it. If there's someone else, politely tell them why the two of you didn't work and keep the focus on why the relationship failed- including admitting if you have a wandering eye. Being deceptive makes you look bad and doesn't help the other person.
Secondly, give each other some space. After a break-up, both parties need time to reorganize themselves and heal. If the other person is constantly contacting you, be firm or polite that you need some time. The constant contact is like rubbing salt in the wound, or making the other person unable to get over you.
Finally, forgive and be respectful. This is harder than it sounds but it's something both parties need to do in order to build a friendship. Don't rub a new relationship in the other's face. Don't do things to hurt the other person. Forgive the past, move on with the future, and be considerate when dealing with your ex. Remember that you cared enough about this person to be in a relationship with them in the first place, and use that memory to help you maintain respect through the breakup.
2009-04-07
Online gaming & dating
I will openly admit that I am a gamer and my iPhone is filled with games- most of which involve playing with other people (or chatting with other people) online.
One game is called Cookie Bonus Solitaire. Basically, you play a fun game of solitaire and chat with other people while doing it. Unfortunately, the public chat areas have turned into a "meat market." Guys in there will flirt with, hit on, etc. anyone with a female-sounding name and ask several times for women to identify themselves. When a woman does, she is then sent a barrage of PMs (personal messages) asking for her age, link to a Facebook/MySpace page, and other information. Several women have resorted going into the "locked" rooms or playing offline because it has gotten so bad. The developers have put on more moderators to try to curb it, but it still goes on and annoys female players.
If you're having fun with someone in an online game, and this person interests you there is no harm in making the interest known... after you've played with the person for a while. Jumping right in with "a/s/l" makes you appear desperate. Play the game and enjoy it. That is precisely why the other person is there. If you get to know them through playing the game and develop a friendship- that is fantastic. The point here is to don't jump right in and hit on anyone who is even remotely what you might like.
Most women do like video games. What they don't like is being hit on or insulted within minutes of it being revealed that they are female.
2009-04-06
Misrepresentation
One of the continual themes I see on the 15 Minute Dating Blog are bad first dates from people who have met each other online and one of the people has "misrepresented" themselves.
Everyone wants to present themselves in a positive light. However, there are some things that should be brought to light before the actual first date.
For instance, if you're already in a relationship.
"Katie" met "David" through a mutual friend. The mutual friend had a party, and the two hit it off- Katie even inviting David back to her house where they had their own personal party. David went out with Katie two more times, both times ending up back at David's house. The mutual friend came over to David's house and he told of his growing romance with Katie. The mutual friend was shocked- Katie was married. David broke off things with Katie and she said she never told him because he never asked.
Another thing you might want to reveal is if the picture you have online was from 4 years ago and doesn't look anything like you currently.
"Dana" and "Mike" started talking on an online dating service. Mike used a picture that was taken of him back right after he graduated high school- before he started his drinking days and balding days. Dana went to meet Mike at a cafe. She sat alone at a table for 30 minutes before leaving. Mike then messaged her asking why she purposely sat at a table different than him, and said he was mad so he didn't talk to her. Dana didn't recognize him!
You might also want to mention anything that might be an unpleasant surprise for the other person. First dates are hard enough. Going into one with a strike against you for lying by omission is never a good idea.
Everyone wants to present themselves in a positive light. However, there are some things that should be brought to light before the actual first date.
For instance, if you're already in a relationship.
"Katie" met "David" through a mutual friend. The mutual friend had a party, and the two hit it off- Katie even inviting David back to her house where they had their own personal party. David went out with Katie two more times, both times ending up back at David's house. The mutual friend came over to David's house and he told of his growing romance with Katie. The mutual friend was shocked- Katie was married. David broke off things with Katie and she said she never told him because he never asked.
Another thing you might want to reveal is if the picture you have online was from 4 years ago and doesn't look anything like you currently.
"Dana" and "Mike" started talking on an online dating service. Mike used a picture that was taken of him back right after he graduated high school- before he started his drinking days and balding days. Dana went to meet Mike at a cafe. She sat alone at a table for 30 minutes before leaving. Mike then messaged her asking why she purposely sat at a table different than him, and said he was mad so he didn't talk to her. Dana didn't recognize him!
You might also want to mention anything that might be an unpleasant surprise for the other person. First dates are hard enough. Going into one with a strike against you for lying by omission is never a good idea.
2009-04-03
The fine line between jerk & catch
Apparently there is a "dating expert" who is basically telling men to come across as jerks. This Men's Health relationship correspondent gave this piece of advice in his column:
Almost every woman I know would raise an eyebrow to that and then hit the "delete" button. Maybe this works for women who like to play games with guys, but for the non-game-players this comes across as the guy being a jerk.
In the world of online dating, it really isn't as much of a "number's game" and "meat market" as people think. Women simply don't get 1000+ messages from "desperate men". Even the hottest women will only get about 20-30 tops and of those, will only respond to 4 or 5.
I agree you should add personality but acting like a conceited jerk will only get you somewhere with women who want to play with your head and emotions. Now, if you like being toyed with and yanked around, then by all means use this approach. However, if you're actually looking for something serious and a woman who is genuine, you can't use this approach.
Add personality and be yourself- be genuine and be interesting. Funny is a good approach, cocky is not. In a previous post, I listed some "dos" and "don'ts" in messaging someone from the first time online and these are much better tips than coming across as Mr.-Oh-How-I-Love-Myself-And-You-Should-Too.
Link to the good tips on meeting people online:
http://blog.yumbunny.com/2009/03/saying-hello.html
There's a fine line between being interesting and being a jerk. Some guys don't know where that line is and some women are more sensitive to it than others. To steer clear of this conundrum, be polite and be funny.
"Hey, you probably couldn't handle me, but I thought I'd give you a chance anyway."
Almost every woman I know would raise an eyebrow to that and then hit the "delete" button. Maybe this works for women who like to play games with guys, but for the non-game-players this comes across as the guy being a jerk.
In the world of online dating, it really isn't as much of a "number's game" and "meat market" as people think. Women simply don't get 1000+ messages from "desperate men". Even the hottest women will only get about 20-30 tops and of those, will only respond to 4 or 5.
I agree you should add personality but acting like a conceited jerk will only get you somewhere with women who want to play with your head and emotions. Now, if you like being toyed with and yanked around, then by all means use this approach. However, if you're actually looking for something serious and a woman who is genuine, you can't use this approach.
Add personality and be yourself- be genuine and be interesting. Funny is a good approach, cocky is not. In a previous post, I listed some "dos" and "don'ts" in messaging someone from the first time online and these are much better tips than coming across as Mr.-Oh-How-I-Love-Myself-And-You-Should-Too.
Link to the good tips on meeting people online:
http://blog.yumbunny.com/2009/03/saying-hello.html
There's a fine line between being interesting and being a jerk. Some guys don't know where that line is and some women are more sensitive to it than others. To steer clear of this conundrum, be polite and be funny.
2009-04-02
Opposites apparently don't attract
A report on MSNBC tells about a study done where people ultimately are happier and in relationships longer with people who are more like them. However, another study found that most singles actively look for someone who isn't like them.
So, it begs the question, are some singles setting themselves up for failure?
This goes back to the blog post from yesterday, where the "type" that a person may continually go back to is actually the worst kind of person for them.
It makes sense that personalities that are more complimentary would be more compatible. There is a greater understanding between the two people as they have experienced similar things in their lives. Also, what may be "opposite" may really not be that opposite. For instance, I tend to be very high-strung and emotional while my husband is very relaxed and logical. This would seem to be opposite. However, we share the same core values behind our actions and are easy-going about a lot of similar things in our lives. It is this that forms more of a commonality than the superficial "opposite" that it seems to be. Connecting and relating to someone on a deeper level, and the ability to do this, may be more of the key than matching a laundry list of likes and dislikes.
In the end, it seems that the only thing that really holds singles back is themselves. They put too much value on what they think they want and limit themselves- and that limitation is what is jeopardizing the chance of happiness.
So, it begs the question, are some singles setting themselves up for failure?
"A study conducted by the University of Iowa in 2005, for example, stated that similarity in personality was more important than similarities in attitude, religion, and values in forming a happy marriage. Like-minded people validate each other's beliefs and views, and there tend to be fewer conflicts as a result."
This goes back to the blog post from yesterday, where the "type" that a person may continually go back to is actually the worst kind of person for them.
It makes sense that personalities that are more complimentary would be more compatible. There is a greater understanding between the two people as they have experienced similar things in their lives. Also, what may be "opposite" may really not be that opposite. For instance, I tend to be very high-strung and emotional while my husband is very relaxed and logical. This would seem to be opposite. However, we share the same core values behind our actions and are easy-going about a lot of similar things in our lives. It is this that forms more of a commonality than the superficial "opposite" that it seems to be. Connecting and relating to someone on a deeper level, and the ability to do this, may be more of the key than matching a laundry list of likes and dislikes.
In the end, it seems that the only thing that really holds singles back is themselves. They put too much value on what they think they want and limit themselves- and that limitation is what is jeopardizing the chance of happiness.
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