Your Friends & Your Date: The Ex

In a previous post here at the Yumbunny blog, it was recommended that you don't date the ex partner of one of your close friends.

To expand on this, it's also a good idea to not date the close friend of a recent ex of yours either. While sometimes it is worth the potential drama, this is a situation that needs to be handled gently in order to prevent a social disaster that can not only lose some of your friends but your reputation as well.

First, don't jump from one to another. Even if you are both crazy about each other, take some time away and distance yourself for a while. Let you (or the other person) close ties with any previous relationships and spend some time transitioning back to single life.

A good rule of thumb: the longer the couple in question has been together, the longer the transition time should be- about 1 or 2 months for every year. So if, say, you and your ex-boyfriend were together for 2 years, wait at least 4 or so months before you openly begin dating his friends. If a marriage is involved, its generally wise to start this timer after the divorce is actually finalized.

Secondly, don't bring other friends in to choose sides. Keep other people out of it as much as possible. If you air dirty laundry to others, you may eventually find your own unmentionables being aired- so to speak. Keep it discreet.

Finally, don't badmouth the others in the situation. Take the high road. Even if you (or your interest's) ex is acting horribly and immature, realize that when it comes to affairs of the heart that people do not act as they normally would. Instead, say nothing or only say positives about the other person.

In the end, this is a situation that really needs to be handled with grace. The sayings "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" and "time heals all wounds" may sound cliche but they should be your motto when dealing dating and ex-partners.