
There is a funny and insightful piece on YourTango by Michael Shnayerson about 12 Relationship Red Flags. These are things that he believes are signs that your relationship (or potential relationship) is more headed towards disaster than dream. While he admits a lot of it is subjective (as one person may find another's "dealbreaker" as attractive), some of the red flags are pretty good for most anyone.
For instance, your date being rude to waiters or others in the service industry. The thought that you should judge a person's character by how they treat those they perceive as inferior rather than equal rings true universally. If a person looks down upon, and is rude to, those who provide them service, how do you think that person will treat you after, say, a disagreement? If a person can't remain civil to someone who is being nothing but nice to them, you have to question what would compel them to be nasty for no reason- and the answers are fraught with neurosis and personality disorders.
Another good piece of advice is to steer clear from adults whose parents still control their lives. Speaking from more personal experience than one of my close friends would want me to divulge, I can wholeheartedly vouch for this one. If all it takes is one call from Mommy to make him go from Prince Charming to Prince Spineless, leave the mama's boy and his still-firmly-attached apron strings behind. Of course, not being sexist here- this also goes for women whose father, mother, or both still call the shots. Another friend of mine, now divorced and in her 40s, had her entire courtship, engagement, wedding, and most of her marriage directly influenced or controlled by her mother. Needless to say, her now-ex-husband eventually got fed up of it.
Much of the other flags are fairly good as well: poorly behaved or spiteful children, dates who stiff you money-wise, people who constantly bad talk their exes (which I mentioned as a "do not" earlier here on the Yumbunny blog), people who have a history of many short-term relationships, and people who care more about their pets than people. (Honestly, this could also apply to people who care more about video games than their date sitting right there in the room with them, but I digress.) The other ones are more of a matter of personal preference, I believe, for the author but not bad ones to heed nonetheless.
When navigating the dating scene, one of the first things you should do is write down a list of your own dealbreakers: things that you really cannot live with in another person. While you may meed someone who is so cool you are willing to ignore one of your dealbreakers (like the author of the linked piece did), it serves as a good starting point for what you don't want in another person.
0 responses:
Post a Comment