Nice Girls Finish Last?

There is a rather interesting blog post over at the Project Happily Ever After blog. I personally really identified with the "nice girl" she describes.

What is a nice girl? This author defines her as someone who is basically often accommodating. Specifically she says the typical nice girl is agreeable, dependable, non-abrasive, and complimentary. I'd, however, like to change "dependable" to "over-committed" because if the girl is as she describes and "...people could count on me to accomplish anything they needed done..." then that also goes without saying that the person is going to over-commit themselves.

There are a few ideas discussed this article that don't appear to hold water in some situations.

"It took many more years for me to realize that doing the opposite—having the courage to be myself and stick up for myself—would not necessarily make people dislike me. If anything, it endeared me to more people than ever."

This may be correct for some people but it isn't true for many. Many people would rather see a smiling, inoffensive person. People who "make waves" cause stress for other people. If you tell someone you are angry at them, they will often be angry at you as well. People are great mirrors- they will often mirror back how you treat them. This means that in the end, many people don't WANT real. They want to see what they want to see and want to hear what they want to hear. Now, of course there are exceptions to this rule, but on a whole the only people who want to hear your problems are paid professionals and the only thing telling the ugly truth will get you is your significant other giving you the silent treatment.

Of course, if your crowd of people is comprised primarily of other people who are "real" and give each other the ugly truth without consequence, the above scenario works. For most of us, however, we are surrounded by regular people who are busy with their own lives and don't need another burden to carry.

There's also another personality type that the author disregards and that is the person who is only truly happy when they are helping other people. If you fit into this personality type, sucking in all the negativity and only projecting the positive is pretty much the only way you will consistently make people happy. Even then, it is utterly impossible to please everyone but your odds are higher if you are Little Miss Sunshine.

Another argument that can be thrown out there is that some people like finishing last. Similar to the above personality type, there are some women who would rather have others be the strong personalities and follow those. Women who are in relationships with "alpha" types have to take this role because even if they do assert themselves, they end up losing.

In the end, all relationships (dating, friendship, etc) come down to compatibility. Not everyone will be happier from asserting themselves, especially if they surround themselves with "alpha" personalities. Some people enjoy being as accommodating as they can be. Others may find that self-assertiveness works in their situation. It all depends on the individual's life and the people in the individual's life. Like everything, one size doesn't fit all.