Approach Someone New (Online or Off)

There is an article entitled "Is Approach Fear Halting Your Success" on the Kelsey Publishing Knowledge Base Blog where the author theorizes that the fear of being judged by others is the primary reason why men don't approach women.

Having been surrounded by men most of my life (only girl with two brothers) and having numerous male friends, I disagree with this. The fear of rejection and the effect that has on a guy's self-esteem is the primary reason. Guys who are self-confident and self-assured may not really understand this (and the author of the article even acknowledges this).

When it comes to anxiety in social situations, telling people to "buck up and do it" is unrealistic. Not only is anxiety a very real thing (some people have to take prescription medicines because it interferes with their daily lives) but most people can't accomplish it overnight or even at the well-meaning insistence of an internet blog article.

Part of overcoming the fear of rejection is understanding that everyone, no matter how self-assured, does not like being rejected. It's one of those universal human experiences.

Start small- start online where you can throw out a line but not have to deal with the awkwardness of being shut down in real life. Once you get more comfortable with conversing with people online, it will be easier to move to the next step.

Approach people in places where you feel familiar and comfortable. Maybe it's a book shop or a coffee shop you frequent, or maybe it's your place of worship. Either way, it's a lot easier to work up the courage to approach someone in a location where you feel comfortable.

Some people never get past those two points and are able to approach attractive strangers anywhere- and that is perfectly fine. The more you stress yourself out about approaching people and turn it into a negative experience, the less likely you'll be to ever want it to do it again. Also remember that setting a good first impression is important. Forcing yourself to do something that causes you to be extremely uncomfortable will show and send negative signals to the person you're approaching- and this could actually have the opposite effect of what you're trying to accomplish.

To summarize- start small and work your way up as much as you're comfortable. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to social situations. Whatever you do, don't turn it into a super stressful or negative experience. Remember that no one likes to be rejected so you're not alone. Most importantly, no matter how you do it, approach as many people as you can because this will increase your chances of finding your soulmate.